My lover was a fake fella

"A SHATTERED young mum last night admitted she had no idea her "boyfriend" was a woman — despite romping with her lover every time they saw each other.
The shocked woman claims Samantha Brooks fooled her with a string of elaborate excuses as she posed as a man called Lee.
Brooks, 26, refused to strip naked in front of her, claiming that being struck down with cancer had made "him" insecure.
She hid her breasts by binding them up with bandages then told her 24-year-old partner she had suffered horrific burns. And the outraged mum, who does not want to be named, claimed Brooks even used a fake manhood during their passionate six-year relationship."
Full story here


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On a side note, I hate how the Sun assumes that if someone's a mum, they're automatically a fucking saint. Especially if they're young and single. No offence but that usually just means they're too slutty and stupid to use contraception. (Emphasis on the word 'usually' before anyone gets pissy).

Perth chef blames curried soup for drink drive charge

A chef who told a court that his curry had been spiked by a colleague after he was found to be over the drink drive limit has been banned from the road.

Aleem Mohammed, 42, claimed he had not touched alcohol for two months and said a bowl of curried soup had put him over the legal limit to drive.
Full story here

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that sinister, French soup spiker! What will he do next?

Tunnel found in Forth Valley hospital grounds

"An abandoned tunnel has been found in the grounds of a Falkirk hospital.

The brick-lined tunnel links a derelict mansion and ornamental loch which forms part of the estate of the new Forth Valley Royal Hospital.

Ranger Gordon Harper made the discovery while clearing rhododendron bushes on the loch's shore."

Full story here



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I don't think he's a real Doctor. In fact, given the location. This may very well be a rare sighting of the infamous 'seabear'!

Tiger kills lion in Turkish zoo

"A Bengal tiger has killed a lion at Ankara Zoo after finding a gap in the fence separating their cages, say zoo officials in the Turkish capital."

Full story here



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That lion looks pretty shit, but I think the Tony is grrrrreat!

Swansea city centre begging ban on man until 2013

"Police say they have secured a court order banning a man from begging in Swansea city centre for two years.

Officers said Shane David Gundy, of Penlan, had regularly been caught begging and behaving anti-socially.

The Anti-social Behaviour Order (Asbo) bans him from drinking or begging in the city and from entering Castle Square between 1900 and 0700.

Police said the order, imposed at Swansea Magistrates Court, runs until March 2013.

He was arrested as part of Operation Lynx, which aimed at reducing anti-social behaviour in Swansea."

Full story
here


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The poor guy doesn't even have shoes...

Northwestern University sex toy show 'disturbing'

"A US university president has said he is "disturbed" that a psychology professor allowed a demonstration of a motorised sex toy in a lecture hall.

Morton Schapiro of Northwestern University called the decision to allow a naked woman to demonstrate use of the device last month "poor judgement".

About 100 students observed the proceedings following a lecture session for a class on human sexuality.

Attendance was voluntary and students had been warned what to expect."

Full story here


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They're even sexier than Gameboys.

Cornwall man shoots sister's donkey after row

"A Cornishman has admitted shooting dead his sister's donkey after an argument.

Bodmin magistrates heard that Darrell Duffill shot donkey Claude in the temple with an air rifle, followed by two more shots as it lay on the ground.

Duffill, 54, who lives in a cabin on land owned by his sister near Looe, had drunk half a bottle of rum before the attack on Monday, the court heard."

Full story here



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Shrek's well gutted. Most people are kinda relieved.

Brazil driver mows down cyclists in Porto Alegre

"Brazilian police have been questioning a man accused of driving his car at high speed through a crowd of cyclists, injuring at least 12 of them.

Video of the incident in the southern city of Porto Alegre shows bikes and riders flying through the air as other cyclists scream in panic.

The driver said he accelerated because cyclists were banging on his car and he feared he would be attacked.

The cyclists were holding a regular event to promote the use of bikes."

Full story here



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That's the shittiest drawing so far but still, thanks to Leggat for showing me the story.

US man accused of pizzeria 'mouse sabotage' attempt

"A pizzeria owner in Pennsylvania sought to sabotage competing shops by infesting them with mice, police say.

Nikolas Galiatsatos has been charged with animal cruelty and other offences in Upper Darby, near Philadelphia.

He was arrested after officers found a man had stuffed a sack containing live mice into the space above a ceiling panel in a pizzeria bathroom.

Investigators said Mr Galiatsatos, 47, had been grappling with a mouse problem in his own shop, Nina's Bella Pizzeria.

Of mice and men
"We have never had anything like this where mice have been used as an instrument of crime," Upper Darby Police Supt Michael Chitwood told reporters.

"This is food terrorism by mice."

According to local media reports, on Monday a man walked into Verona Pizza in the suburban town and asked to use the bathroom.

The owner then saw footprints on the toilet and noticed a ceiling panel had been disturbed. Above the panel, the owner found a bag.

Fearing the bag contained drugs, he turned it over to two police officers who happened to be eating lunch there. In the bag were three white mice, Supt Chitwood said.

Police watched the same man walk across the street to Uncle Nick's Pizza, dropping a bag into the rubbish there. In the bag, police found five live mice and one dead one.

On Monday afternoon Mr Galiatsatos remained in police custody, the Associated Press reported. He has not commented on the charges.

Police said the mice had been purchased from a pet store."

Full story here






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I've never seen Ratatouille. Is it good? I haven't seen Finding Nemo, Cars or Toy Story 3 either. I should really get round to watching them....

'Hull councillor brands protesters 'retards' on Twitter'

A councillor branded people protesting against cuts at a Hull City Council meeting "retards" in a rant on Twitter.

Conservative group leader John Fareham made the comment after Friday's meeting, which saw the council approve a controversial £65m savings plan.

It read: "15 hours in council today very hard hitting day and the usual collection of retards in the public gallery spoiling it for real people."

Mr Fareham, who has since apologised, has been criticised by Mencap.

Unison has demanded action is taken over his "disgraceful behaviour".

Full story here


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I should get back into calling people retarded on Twitter. It's fun.

Well, what's this? The news in paint? MS PAINT?!?!

Yeah! I'm going to be illustrating select stories from such news websites as BBC news and... well maybe other sites too.
This post shall serve as a very fine example.




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My hair kinda looks like that of Wilma Flintstone in this picture. But not in real life.